Living the Dream, Two Years In

Every so often, I get a feeling that I'm dreaming. Am I really living in Israel? It's been almost two years and it still doesn't feel real. Twice I've been back to NY and twice it's been a round trip ticket, because- that's just not my home anymore.

Because of having work on Sunday mornings and my general exhaustion, I've barely left Jerusalem in months. I started a new job a few weeks ago that works primarily with the US and so there's no work on Sundays. Before I started there, I called up a friend in Ramat Gam (near Tel Aviv) I hadn't seen for a while and told her I was coming for Shabbat the first week of my new job. I asked her if she had work on Friday or Sunday and we made plans to go to the beach. 

Heading to Tel Aviv on Friday, I, of course, had my phone out and was tweeting, playing my newest game, checking Facebook, etc. when I realized that it's been too long since I simply looked out the window while commuting. I've almost forgotten the pure pleasure of seeing Israel's landscapes as I ride through it. I'm not even talking about the beautiful ride heading up to the Golan or down past the Dead Sea, just passing smaller cities or towns, crops and fields. I closed Twitter and looked out the window. 

Then I decided that I should really be listening to Israeli music rather than the RHCP, and there was a specific song I wanted to hear, which for some reason wasn't on my phone. I found it on YouTube, put it on and looked back out the window.

And started tearing up.

I really live here? This is really my home? Yeah, I struggle to pay rent every month, yeah, there was one really embarrassing incident when the electric was shut off because I know nothing about paying bills (don't worry, it's worked out), and yeah, there are definitely some things about this country that I can't stand, but, much like an annoying sibling, you can only complain if it's yours, and this country is MINE.

I miss my parents and friends, but no matter, I've never even entertained thoughts of leaving. I know that there are lots of people who feel differently, lots of people who, for their own reasons, are unable or choose not to stay in Israel, and they have my respect for trying, but for me...

This is my home.