A Toast: To Attempting to Figure Out WTF to Do

I hung out with my cousin on Monday. She just got back from traveling in Asia and also had to visit some government offices to straighten things out. At the end of the day, we visited a little bar in the shuk (marketplace) we'd gone to together in October. It's called the 5th of May, a closet sized store with a couple of small tables inside and out and a nice cherry beer that I can actually stand to drink. I decided to go with a proper Israeli drink: Arak (or Ouzo or Anis or whatever it's called in your place of residence). I asked for it in a "chaser"- shotglass, idk why it's called a chaser, but ok- lifted my glass, toasted "to the Israeli bureaucracy", and tossed it back. I didn't do it, but I was in a mood to get smashed.

Allow me to start at the beginning -only of the day, don't worry:

I unexpectedly slept over at a friend's apartment Sunday night and needed to leave early Monday morning together with her roommates so that we wouldn't need to worry about keys. Fine. So I get into town around 8:00am and head to Sam's Bagels on Ben Yehuda, my place to go if I want more than coffee and pastries for breakfast, to wait for my cousin. Well, she got stuck in traffic on her way into Jerusalem and I can linger over my coffee for only so long, so I went to develop some photos I'll be making into cards. She arrived and we headed to the office of Bituach Leumi-the National Insurance Institute, basically the Israeli Social Security office.

Now, for those of you who don't know, if you need to go to a bank or government office, if you show up after 12noon, you won't be able to get in 9 times out of 10. That's just how it is over here.

So we get to Bituach Leumi at about 9am and they're closed. WTF. Turns out they have afternoon hours on Mondays. From 3pm-5pm. Fine. So we decide to wander around and run some errands we needed/wanted to do. Among those things was going to the bank. We went to my bank, I took a number and then a seat, waited my turn- inasmuch as one waits for a turn in Israel- and sat down with a personal banking rep. Four things I needed to do, I even wrote them down:

*change my bank branch to a more accessible location,

*make sure that my account is no longer locked (I had it in a 6 month locked account, like a certificate of deposit),

*change my address in the system (I don't need important bank info going to NY if I'm not there!), and

*order a new bank card.

Great. I start to tell the woman what I need to do. "No problem" she tells me. Beware of this phrase! When an Israeli tells you "no problem"- expect problems!! Branch transfer- really was no problem: click click, ok your account information is being transferred, it should only take about 2 days. Locked account? no, no I can see it's ok, you have X shekels. Scrreeech!! Hard brakes! How much???? the number she told me was 1/3 of how much I knew I had in the bank! Well, ehhhh, until your account is fully transferred, I can only see so much... Ok. Fine. I'll verify the amount when it finishes transferring, address change? "Don't worry" (that's another one to watch out for, so now I'm more than a little anxious) we'll do it after this is your branch, no problem. New card? same thing. Well, hell.

Walked around, walked around, walked around... got some craft supplies I needed, got some

earrings, walked around some more... met two of my cousins' wives for a light lunch at a great place on the corner of King George and Hillel- that's apparently been there forever and used to be a salon style place for politicians, then headed to Bituach Leumi.

Again, I took a number and then a seat, and waited for my turn. When it finally came, I go to the lady, I say I'm an Ezrachit Olah (a citizen born abroad who moved to Israel) and that I came because they told me I needed to register before I could sign up for the health plan of my choice. Ok, here's a form you need to fill out. But this says it's for a Toshav Chozer (returning resident), that's not my status... Same thing. Um, ok, do you have one in English? No. Um... ok... So I start filling the form out- address, identity number, etc. I turn the page (4 pages in all) and the questions seem to be asking about my business and if I sold all my property... I'm not sure I understand what it's saying so I ask my cousin to help me. She doesn't think it's the right form either and we stand up to tell the lady. So she finishes with the man she's speaking to- I hesitate to say "helping"- at the moment and looked me up in the computer.

According to the computer system at Bituach Leumi, I lived in Israel from 1992-2006.

Allow me to assure you, faithful-ish reader, I was most definitely in America during my formative years. I mean, just ask me how many pairs of shoes I own, I think that's a pretty strong indicator.

So I took the papers and my shocked self out of there, ranting and raving like the proper Israeli I'm becoming and we set off to find somewhere I could get a strong drink.

So raise your glass of arak and toast the runaround, headache, angst, and all the other "good" stuff that comes with making aliyah.

New Directions (and no, I don't mean Glee!)

I did it. I moved to Israel.

That was the easy part.

The hard part was packing- which of course I didn't actually do until the day/night/morning before my flight. Which ended up being delayed a ridiculous amount of time lol. I didn't mind, I actually got to know some of the other olim (people moving to Israel), we played cards, we chatted, I got distracted n wandered off, bought some chocolate, came back n shared-- nothing new in any of those things lol-- and finally after about 2 hours waiting in the gate, we finally boarded. I sat (aisle seat thank G-d!!) next to a girl I'd met in the airport and a guy I hadn't.

So the flight went well, we met Natan Sharansky in Newark after check-in--- aside: all 3 of my bags were overweight, 1 was even >20lbs over, which is supposed to be like $100 fine or something, but the lady only charged me $25 each, but I just checked my bank statement and it looks like I was only charge $25 total!!! :D --- we took pictures, blah blah blah...

My mother didn't cry, for which I am grateful, my father didn't make it to the airport, for which I was disappointed, but I saw him during the 2 hours extra I had at home and he'll be in Israel on Tuesday. Oy. To see my grandfather who's in a rehab center after having had a stroke a month or so back :( We went to see him Thursday night. It's scary to see your grandparents getting older, my other grandfather is home now from a similar place, and walking, thank G-d, but in pain all the time.

Ok, back to the flight day: umm... yeah, so good

flight, I got to watch I am Number 4 and Country Strong, two movies that I've been wanting to see, I would have watched more, but a total of 10 hours of sleep over 4 or so days does not encourage staying awake on an 11 hour flight. Food was good, had some wine- even better, had some coffee-- big mistake! DO NOT DRINK AIRPLANE COFFEE!! I knew this and I still did it. I must have forgotten...

So we get to Israel, met by Nefesh B'Nefesh people (the organization that helps people make aliyah), some of whom I recognized cuz I've only been in their office like 3 times trying to get help (the non-white coat type), went through passport control, went to the old terminal- which I didn't know how much I missed! It reminds me of my childhood :) -to the Ministry of Absorption

office where we got documents and money- yay ;) - then back to get our luggage lmao 3 huge bags and lil ol' me? it was a sight to see, and then out! into the hot humid air of Tel Aviv! but

before that, MY COUSIN CAME TO MEET ME!! a cousin I hadn't seen in like 2 or 3 years, whose husband I'd never met, with whom I am not in general contact with other that her status updates in my Facebook newsfeed! (which is how she knew I would be arriving that day!) I was

so surprised and so so so happy!

The three of us packed ourselves and my bags into a monit sherut (shared taxi van thingie... hard to translate) with an older French couple and set off to Jerusalem, where I would be (/am) staying with my brother.

Ok. That's enough for now, stay tuned for the next update of

-dum dum dum- Vered's Aliya.

it's been a while...

Okay. So here's an update on the last few months... not that I expect anyone to care, but hey, why not?

As you may have been able to tell from my last post, I hated my job. With a passion. However, you may notice that I used the past tense in that sentence- why? you may ask. Well, now I love it! No, that's a lie, really I quit!! yeyah! Unfortunately, I couldn't squeeze more money out of them when I resigned... not that I'm sure they would have offered it, but my reason was that I'm moving to Israel. Which I am, please G-d, in a few months time. Well, now it's closer to two months. Ask me if I'm ready... nope! not at all! Except for having been accepted into the Ulpan (intensive Hebrew classes) of my choice (woot woot!), and that includes room and board for 5 months, so that's awesome. But there's so much more I need to do before I'm ready to go. Sooo much more! Like go through 24 years worth of crap and figure out what to keep, what to donate, what to throw out...

Right. um... also, my brother got married!!! In Israel. Another reason I decided that my aliyah (move to Israel) has to happen now. G-d willing, they will be starting a family when the time is right and I'd really, really like to be there to be the bestest aunt ever. So I went to Israel for the wedding, which was beautiful, thanks for asking :) and I stayed for an additional month. I didn't get everything done that I wanted to, especially cuz I kept getting sick :( but I was able to talk to some people, get some advice, sorta look for a job... Then I came back to the States. I've been home now 3 weeks and I've been really proactive in doing nothing. Really, I think I deserve like an award or something, I am so accomplished at getting nothing done. No, not quite true, I have been keeping up with my Twitter and Facebook. That counts for something, right?

I was looking for a temp job for the next few months but couldn't really find anything. What I did find was a commission-only sales job. It's with Israelis and if it works out, I can continue in Israel, but... I really need money now not in a month... well, I'll just have to be really aggressive, eh, and get the cash flow starting sooner rather than later.

I'm also trying to get people to buy personalized gifts from me, so, hey, if someone you know had/is having a baby or a birthday, or really any occasion, and you don't have time to get them a gift or you want something really special, call me, alright? cuz I'm really good at making gifts and they're nice and reasonably priced. So please take a look at the collage I've included with this post

And that's about all for now...